With friends and relatives sheltering in place because of coronavirus, many are trying to brighten the gloom by forwarding humor. In that spirit, I’ll pass along a couple of recent examples.

And these sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

• The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

• The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

• Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

• Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

• Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

• For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

• Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

• The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

• Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

• The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

• This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

• The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.  Please use the back door.

• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

And this one just about sums them all up…

• The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’